All through the
night I walked up and down in violent agitation. I made no effort to
sleep. I will not tell you the thoughts that passed through my
mind; they were not unworthy of an honest man. At daybreak I was at
Lafayette's house. He procured me the necessary papers for leaving
France. He told me to go and await him in Spain, whence he was going to
sail for the United States. I returned to our house to get the clothes
and money indispensable to the humblest of travellers. I left a note
for my uncle, so that he might not feel uneasy at my absence; this I
promised to explain very soon in a long letter. I begged him to refrain
from passing sentence on me until it arrived, and assured him that I
should never forget all his goodness.
I left before any one in the house was up; for I was afraid that my
resolution might be shaken at the least sign of friendship, and I felt
that I could no longer impose upon a too generous affection. I could
not, however, pass Edmee's door without pressing my lips to the lock.
Then, hiding my head in my hands, I rushed away like a madman, and
scarcely stopped until I had reached the other side of the Pyrenees.
There I took a short rest, and wrote to Edmee that, as far as concerned
myself, she was free; that I would not thwart a single wish of hers; but
that it was impossible for me to be a witness of my rival's triumph. I
felt firmly convinced that she loved him; and I resolved to crush out
my own love.
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