I was promising more than I could perform; but these first
manifestations of wounded pride gave me confidence in myself. I also
wrote to my uncle to tell him I should not hold myself worthy of the
boundless affection he had bestowed on me until I had won my spurs as a
knight. I confided to him my hopes of a soldier's fame and fortune with
all the candour of conceit; and since I felt sure that Edmee would
read this letter I feigned unclouded delight and an ardour that knew no
regrets; I did not know whether my uncle was aware of the real cause of
my departure; but my pride could not bring itself to confess. It was the
same with the abbe, to whom I likewise wrote a letter full of gratitude
and affection. I ended by begging my uncle to put himself to no expense
on my account over the gloomy keep at Roche-Mauprat, assuring him that I
could never bring myself to live there. I urged him to consider the fief
as his daughter's property, and only asked that he would be good enough
to advance me my share of the income for two or three years, so that I
might pay the expenses of my own outfit, and thus prevent my devotion to
the American cause from being a burden to the noble Lafayette.
My conduct and my letters apparently gave satisfaction. Soon after I
reached the coast of Spain I received from my uncle a letter full of
kindly exhortations, and of mild censure for my abrupt departure.
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