This is a muchly belated house show report of the Northern Wrestling Federation show at the now utterly infamous Peel's Palace in the center of what _had_ been the largest untapped wrestling market in the United States, Erlanger, KY, a mere 10 miles south of Cincinnati, OH. For a change, I am running severely late.  I pull in at about 7:45, thinking I'm late for the show.  Nope... bell time's 8.  I should know that by now. D-uh.  As usual, Johnny Diamond catches me at the door, and singing for my supper I give him the last Peel's show and the Salvation Army show from November.  And then I go in. I should also know by now that an announced bell time of 8 means a real start time of 8:15.  In charge of tonight's announcing festivities is Tux Man Rick, stylin' and profilin' as ever.  Ringing the bell is the little girl that I'd seen at the Salvation Army show.  NWF Senior Referee David Hopp is tonight's official.  Attendance is maybe 150, with a minimal amount of kids... the highest attendance here since SMW pulled it's own plug. Match 1:  The Big Kahuna w/The New Wizard v. Loverboy Bret Michaels Okay, now, for those not keeping score at home, let's bring everybody up to speed.  The New Wizard is Johnny The Wizard Diamond from the Salvation Army show.  Not a repackaging, mind, just a different name for the same person in the same federation.  *sigh*  That's a continuity error.  Anyway, Bret's getting a minimum of support from the crowd, mostly because it _isn't_ children as usual.  Kahuna would clothesline Bret OTR, and Wizard would land a few forearm shots to Bret's back outside.  Later in the match, Bret whipped Kahuna into the corner, Kahuna would dump a charging Bret OTR again.  Bret would rally, Kahuna went down, Bret gets a standing second rope flip for two.  Bret whips Kahuna into the corner, Kahuna with the big foot to Bret's face, cover with feet on the ropes, pin.  Kahuna wins... but wait.  Dugan the Lumberjack comes out and explains to Dave what happened, and Dave restarts the match. Bret came off the second rope with a high cross body on Kahuna for three.  bret gets the win... and hangs around?  Kahuna leaves the ring and complains all the way to the back, the referee leaves... and Bret is celebrating in the ring. Sorry, this is wrong.  You get a restart pin, you win, you bail.  Boom.  That's how it goes.  If he's gonna hang around, mark logic says he gets pounded by the heel for stealing what would/should have been the heel's win. Match 2:  The Masked Mechanic v. Chris Waltz Oh, sweet Jesus, this sucked in spades.  Waltz is this forty-ish guy wearing an American striped top and sweats and a sailor hat.  Mechanic was from the Salvation Army show, three-hundred-ish pounds and masked, obviously.  Match ran maybe 5 minutes, during which time Waltz went down maybe once, twice tops.  The longest period of time he was off his feet was to make the pin on Mechanic, which he did with a schoolboy.  Within five seconds of the pin, Mechanic had cleared the ring and was in the back.  I'd've been embarassed as well. At this point, Rev. Rick Hinkle (sp?) comes out and explains to everyone what the meaning of the stripes on candy canes are, correlating them back to the Baby Jesus and all that...  Having never been a deeply religious person, I use this opportunity to hit the concession stand, where again they have no nachos. First the candy cane things, and then no nachos... *sigh*  Not happy, more so about the first thing.  Religion and wrestling really seriously do not mix, and considering the relative captivity of the audience... Match 3:  Santa Dugan the Lumberjack v. The Spoiler Okay, at the October Peel's show, Dugan came out with a jack-o-lantern bucket full of goodies.  For this show, he comes out with... you guessed it, a box full of candy canes.  Is the only way they can get him over to have him come out with food every damn month?  I mean, it's cute and all, but if I wanted cute, I'd watch a damn Care Bears movie.  As Dugan is finishing with the canes at ringside, Spoiler comes out and attacks, sending what's left of the candy canes sprawling at ringside.  I catch three, and that's the match highlight really.  Spoiler comes off second rope, eats a foot, Dugan replies with a splash and a pin.  Whoopee whoopee whoop.  Better than the match before it only because Spoiler is the best heel in the company.  Post match highlight is the Bret Michaels Fan Club contingent telling Tux Man Rick to get a new weave. Match 4:  Damien v. Ivory Nichols Walkaway match of the night.  Ivory comes out for his entrance, Damien attacks from behind, Ivory backdrops Damien into the ring, then follows with a Jack-line OTR, from which Ivory landed square on his ass on the apron.  Oof. Damien did a pair of lucha-esque leg spots into the corner, then landed a Vader-bounce splash for two.  Ivory would raly, land a reverse leg lariat for two, then a powerbomb for two.  Damien would start a brief rally, Ivory would stop it with a set of three crotch spots.  Damien would rally again, whip Ivory into the corner, slides under his legs, clothesline him from behind, and then Damien with a reverse chinlock.  Damien tries a leg driver for two.  Ivory got in a German drive suplex for two.  Damien got in a top rope splash for two. Ivory would rally, get in a standing frankensteiner for two.  Damien rallied back, thunder roll for two.  Damien goes direct to a sleeperhold.  Okay pacing, but there's way too much back and forth going on here.  Ivory would get his arm up at 2 1/2.  Damien got in a jumping piledriver, did not cover.  Ivory would rally yet again, low elbow, knee to the face, two count.  Damien would get what was identified for me as the Diamond Cutter for two.  Damien would backdrop Ivory onto the stage, Ivory landed on his feet, clothesline, goes up, Damien dropkicked him off the top rope, Damien climbs up to the second rope, Ivory rejected him, flipped through his move for a powerbomb from the top rope... for two.  Someone's been watching their Lucha tapes.  Ivory tried for a victory roll, didn't look good, but he got two anyway.  Ivory then backeddropped Damien into the ref, knocking him out.  Ivory does a second rope frankensteiner, Bret Michaels comes out from the back and counts three.  Masked Mechanic, who'd come out some time before, hands Damien a roll of (get this!) nickels as Ivory and Bret are celebrating, WHAM!  Ref wakes up and counts three.  A bit of confusion, but Damien is awarded the victory.  Post match brawl, and the timekeeper, this big guy in a white sweater who I don't know from Adam, runs in to break up the fight.  My thoughts:  Who is this fucking guy?  His identity was never explained to the fans, although he would make himself noticably visible again later in the card. Intermission.  Announced for the next card is Damien v. Ivory Nichols, two of three falls, with special guest referee Bret Michaels.  Good match, I'll predict, which could be better if Dave was reffing it.  Sorry Bret, but you simply don't have any vocal command, certainly not enough to referee a match. Also announced is Dugan the Lumberjack v. The Big Kahuna.  I used to believe in God... First back from break is The Shadow with the Spoiler, the most American sounding Danish person I've ever heard.  Spoiler spends the first couple minutes comparing Wildcat Chris Harris to a toothpick.  Funny.  The first interview out is The Big Kahuna with The New Wizard.  Wizard does all the talking during this one, which is fine by me.  He says Kahuna will beat Dugan next month, and says the Kahuna is the original stud muffin .  After I recover from my fit of laughter, I notice that Kahuna is badmouthing Bret.  Bret comes back out, and they have a staredown.  Kahuna leaves, and Spoiler badmouths Harris again.  Harris comes out, and Dave and the aforementioned guy in the sweater hold him back.  Subtly, now that I have a chance to look back on it, they've set up a long-term follow-up angle. After this, Tux Man Rick announces that at the Salvation Army show, Beautiful Bobby Harmon lost a Loser Leaves Town match to Dugan The Lumberjack.  Nobody really cares much.  Tux Man Rick also announces that at an NWF event in Louisville, KY (which I'm almost positive didn't happen), NWF champion The Bar Room Brawler did something or other to get himself suspended, so he won't be appearing tonight, and the winner of the next match will get a shot at his _title_ on 19 January here at Peel's.  *shrug*  Why they can't come out and say why he _really_ isn't here is beyond me, as I figure it's pretty much of a given there wasn't a Louisville show.  (I could be wrong, though; as much as I'd like to believe it, I'm most certainly _not_ all-knowing.) Match 5:   Stallion Billy Marino v. Dan Childers Really status quo opening segment.  Childers gains the advantage, Marino is out of the ring... Childers clearly has not mastered the Fargo strut.  Marino would get in a rolling DDT, chooses not to cover.  Marino distracts the ref by telling him to Check that turnbuckle, I think it's broke, and then dumps Childers OTR.  Marino slams Childers outside.  Back inside the ring, they do a double clothesline spot.  Childers does a terrible looking Hulk-up.  Marino does a lazy cover for two, Chidlers flips him over, pin.  Boom, it's over. Whoopee.  Considering that the advertising had Childers challenging Brawler for the _title_ on this card, Childers winning is not that much of a surprise. And then, we're told that Miss Callie (sp?) is bringing a newcomer into the NWF.  She comes out and introduces him as being Dozer Dave.  He's intro'ed, and they leave.  More useless than a pile of snail shit. Final:   Colossal Connection Tower of Doom and Crusher Bones v.         The Wildcats   Live Wire Sean Casey and Wildcat Chris Harris,         Kentucky Roadhouse Rules for Casey and Harris' NWF Tag _title_s. Read:  Texas Tornado match.  No DQ, no time limit, all four in the ring at once.  Originally, this match was scheduled to be Falls Count Anywhere rules, but building management has handed down an ultimatum:  use a table or a chair, and the NWF is out of Peel's forever.  Doom and Bones come out first, and do an interview.  Doom goes first, expresses his discontent, and Bones pretty much repeats everything Doom said.  Wildcats come out, and after some brief confusion, they get started.  The faces (that's Casey and Harris) use powder to blind the heels, the heels use a frying pan and a cookie sheet.  Sound at all familiar?  Doom uses a giant toy candy cane to work over Harris.  Doom takes off his boot and uses it.  Bones DDTs Casey into the cookie sheet.  Harris crotches Doom on a ringpost.  Doom pulls out an expanse of rope and uses it, Harris gets it and uses it to choke Doom, Bones breaks it up.  Everybody gets tangled up in the choker rope.  Funny.  Bones takes time out for a beer, donated from a fan at ringside.  Problem is, this match is far far far too evenly fought.  Doom does an abdominal stretch (!) into a powerbomb for two. Harris stomps on Doom's foot, goes for a high cross on Bones, Bones can't quite catch him... Harris goes down, gets two anyway.  Oh, ick.  Casey bites Doom's toes.  Ick, ick, ick.  Doom clotheslines Casey, uses an empty beer can on Harris.  Faces double suplex Doom.  Harris dumps a top rope elbow on Doom, count broken when Bones jumps from the second rope, Harris moves out of the way, and Bones hits Doom.  Bones tossed out, Harris covers Doom again, and get the pin.  Faces retain.  Heels drag ref into the ring and beat on him with the cookie sheet.  The white sweatered guy is pissed at them.  The heels exchange I'm pissed at you interviews to each other... a split?  Uncertain. Bottom line:  Mixed emotions.  Damien-Ivory was good, the tag final was okay, but there was really nothing else to cheer about on the card.  Still not happy about the whole candy cane thing. On 19 January, the NWF returns to Peel's Palace with the following announced line-up... - NWF Champion The Bar Room Brawler defends against Dan Childers - Damien v. Ivory Nichols, 2 of 3 falls, guest referee Bret Michaels - Dugan the Lumberjack v. The Big Kahuna Also, the NWF returns to the Salvation Army gymnasium in Cincinnati Price Hill on 13 January, and makes it's debut appearance at Holmes High School in Covington, KY (just across the river from Cinti) on 20 January. Pete.